if i can run in heels then i can drive
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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