Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
