I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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