It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
