The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
