FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
