I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this hospital has no fireball
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
