I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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