"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
