if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the day after is always just damage control
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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