I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
