morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sacagawea was the original milf.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
