i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize