WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
