that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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