You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
