If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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