Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
