can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
