We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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