Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
