Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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