please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
