Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
