I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You ruined the universe
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize