just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
