shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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