if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize