Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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