I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
