People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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