He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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