so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
