just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
