??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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