Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
