I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
