I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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