people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
