I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
