Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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