Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
