I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
