Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
