I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
