Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
