I wish I could punch you in the face.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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