And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
