I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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