My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
