OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
