Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
