Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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