: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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