i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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