The maid of honor just puked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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