I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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