just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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