In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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