Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
