O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
