the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
