is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
