I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
