Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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