Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
