I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
