How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
