Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
