you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
