smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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