i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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