Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
