Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
