i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
