Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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