Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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