So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
