Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FUCK WHALES
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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