The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
