just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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