took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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