Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
