we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
