I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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