guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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