How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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