Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
