totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
