p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize