I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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