who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
