Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
