well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize