do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
