i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
