I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
