i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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