im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
