i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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